Monkey Business

Happy New Year! One of my missions is to help you all drop your New Year's Resolutions. So this month I'm revising and repeating my New Year's Theme article. It's the Chinese Year of the Monkey, after all. The year of Cleverness, Deception, Travel, Risk and Novelty! Nothing to "resolve" this year, my friends. Time for a little Monkey Business!

It's easy to make resolutions in the excitement of the New Year and the guilty awareness that you ate your way through the holidays. Sure, last year's resolution didn't make it past the middle of January, but hey, this year's going to be different, right?

So what is your New Year's resolution? Lose weight? Make more money? Spend less? More time with your family? Relax more? These are old favorites. “Old,” because they reoccur every year. We pull them down off the shelf we stuck them on last February, dust them off, and vow commitment this year. Ugh!

Here's the problem with resolutions. They don't make us FEEL good! We struggle because the resolution isn't right for us in the first place. It is full of inner conflicts that we don't see. Most New Year's resolutions try to “fix” something. We focus on what is missing or wrong, making the resolution a weak commitment.

But what if you approached your resolution playfully? It's the Year of the Monkey after all. Ask yourself, “What do I REALLY want?” There's a theme there. If you have resolved to lose weight, perhaps your theme is “Let's Give Them Something to Talk About.” It's not all about weight, is it? If your resolution is to make more money, maybe your theme is “What a Wonderful World” so you can feel abundance through gratitude first and then get creative about making money. And what about more time with your family? Perhaps a theme of “Getting to Know You” is more to the point. By the way, song titles are great themes. When you need a boost, just plug in the CD and dance!

A theme is meant to honor something. It focuses not on the completion but the doing. It's adventurous.

Maria turned 50 in November, 2002. In December she wanted to talk about reviving her old “resolution” to relax more. Maria has high standards at work and puts in 110% daily. But she knew something was missing when her friends stopped calling. “We just knew you'd be too busy” was the feedback. Maria had created a “busy-woman” reputation.

The only evidence Maria could give me that her old resolution, relax more, might work this year was that she had turned 50. “Not enough!” I said. I pointed out that resolving to relax more would just induce stress. We started playing with a theme.

A week later Maria called excited. Her theme was “Farming for Fun at Fifty.” Farming because she wanted to get to the root of things once and for all. Fun because she realized the old resolution of “relaxing” was merely a medication for a symptom. Fun was the cure. And, well, Fifty to honor the one thing Maria felt would make the difference in 2003.

Maria spent most of 2003 creatively immersed in her theme. She took a three-day weekend and hiked fifty miles. Another weekend produced a fifty-mile bike ride. She bought a box of crayons and created, framed and hung a picture of every fun thing she did. She read 50 novels by the end of the year. Maria has racked up one lunch a week away from work. “Getting to the root of things” also meant that Maria wanted to take a look at what was important to her. At the beginning of the year she donated 50 hours of her time, in one-hour increments, to her local Humane Society.

And here's the unexpected reward. Maria is due for a hefty bonus this year. When I asked about this, Maria said she was not so harried and more approachable at work. That made a huge difference in the way she was perceived. Coworkers are collaborating with her. And, Maria's doctor just informed her she has lost 21 ½ pounds. She's no longer using food for relaxation. Losing weight and the bonus were not her goals. They're just the little surprises that come from honoring her theme.

Maria and I are starting to talk about her 2004 theme. One of the interesting outcomes of this year's theme is that she's recognizing how creative she can be and wants to explore that more. Perfect for the Monkey year, don't you think?

Your Turn:
A Theme is Big. But don't lump a bunch of resolutions together, listing everything you've ever wanted to change. Just take one old resolution and keep asking yourself, “What do I REALLY want?” until you have something that expands you rather than making you a monitor of your behavior.

Word it Carefully. Resolutions are about willpower and tend to be expressed in bland terms. Themes are about experimenting and creativity and are expressed in a way that gets to the heart of what energizes you.

Embrace the Unknown. Trust that your theme will inspire. You don't have to create a list of everything you want to do on January 1. Just play with your theme and watch what happens as 2004 unfolds.

“I'm working all day and
I'm working all night
To be good-looking,
healthy, and wise.
And adored, contented, brave and well-read.
And a marvelous hostess,
fantastic in bed.
And bilingual, athletic,
artistic-----
Won't someone please stop me?” ~Judith Viorst

“May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions.” ~Anonymous

“’Discipline.’ What a thankless word that is—and how beside the point.” ~Julia Cameron

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

Well the fishing boat is cleaned out and covered up. The portable ice shanty has been cleaned up and minor repairs have been made. I've got a new blade on the ice auger. I'm holding off putting canoes away for the winter. One more paddle before the river starts carrying ice floes would be nice. I've had a long two-week break from walking the dogs in the woods as we hunkered down through firearm deer season. I've gone internal and the level of chatter in my head has hit overwhelming proportions. So I've got some insights to share…

There are some unfortunate places your mind can take you when you become overly dependent on it as your source of entertainment. It starts with simply thinking about things. But too much thinking without moving your body and your mind tends to want to do something with all those thoughts. To organize them in some way. So it begins calculating, talking all those random thoughts and trying to put some order to them. Calculating brings home its close friend, judging for a little sleep over. I mean, after all, how can you begin to calculate if you're not making judgments about the validity of one thought over another. So you give judging free rein and before you know it, you're placing judgment not only on past and present occurrences, but also on a whole host of future occurrences that may or may not happen.

If you don't recognize the signs of this downward spiral and introduce some physical movement, before you know it worry will come to your party with new games to play. It happens pretty quickly. As soon as calculating decides that something you thought about is possible and judging decides it's not good, unless you intercept, worry decides to focus on it. At the point that you've worried something enough, controlling will move in to center court and attempt to handle the situation.

So what's the prescription? The two best solutions I know are, moving your body, as I've mentioned above, and meditation. Combine the two and you've got what's called “moving meditation.” Two very popular moving meditations are Yoga and Tai Chi. Both help you to quiet your mind through movement. But you don't have to run out and join a class to start your own moving meditation routine.

For physical fitness, we're told a minimum of 20 minutes of aerobic exercise three times a week. Better still, 30-45 minutes three or four times a week, or best of all, 45 minutes every day. So for example, if you are walking, think about how your feet are landing on the ground with each step and how all the joints of your legs and arms and even your toes are moving as you walk. Focus on the details of your movement and become aware of how all your body parts are working. Your mind then turns to the regular sequence of your movement instead of potential monsters, real or imagined.

Not only will your walking become more graceful and fluid, but the way you handle your life will be graceful and flowing too. What have you got to lose? After all, Dorothy and her friends were obviously not practicing moving meditation on their walk down the yellow-brick road and look where that got them!

“A Zen abbot once set before an American aspirant two sets of small leg-less Japanese dolls, one pair weighted in the bottom part, the other in the head part. When the pair weighted in the head were pushed over, they remained on their sides; the ones weighted in the bottom bounced back at once. The abbot roared in laughter over this illustration of the plight of Western man, forever stressing the thinking at the expense of his totality.” From a very old book on my shelf, The World of Zen.

“When the spirits are low, when the day appears dark, when work becomes monotonous, when hope hardly seems worth having, just mount a bicycle and go out for a spin down the road, without thought on anything but the ride you are taking.” ~Arthur Conan Doyle, in a 1896 article for Scientific America

There's a moment in every day that Satan cannot find.” ~Blake

Soulful Success

I'm sitting in my tent-cottage at Maho Bay Camps in St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands. Another beautiful sunny day is unfolding. The temperature is about 80 degrees. The turquoise bay, lush green hills, and the tree-frog serenade going on outside my tent fill me with pure peace. This week of retreat, I got to share what I know. That success is a feeling, not to be found by goal-chasing.

In our striving to succeed, we set goals. Common goals like earn more money, build a bigger business, lose some weight, remodel or build that home, buy that boat or car, get more time off. I call these goals “common” because we boil our definition of success down to the same goals everyone else has. We see someone we consider successful and then, rather than looking at how they are experiencing their life, we try to replicate the things they have by setting our own goals. For instance, we say, “If I had a home like that, I too would be successful.” But look at anyone you consider successful. No matter how much or little they possess, if they are happy, joyful, and playful, then I'm betting they have established a goal-free zone around their success.

We have three primary ways of communicating; through our language, through our bodies, and through our emotions. We've been taught over time that language rules. So when asked what success means to us, we tend to respond through language. And, the easiest way to do that is to list our goals. We talk about making moves in our careers, building our businesses, finding the right relationships, moving to the place we want to live, and the ultimate indicator of success, making more money. In fact, most of us correlate success with the goal of lots of money. But the old saying, “Money doesn't buy happiness,” still holds true. And that's true for any of the other goals I've listed here.

It's happiness, joy, delight, relief, playfulness and pure bliss, to name a few, which are true trademarks of success. We can language that we are experiencing these feelings but our bodies and our emotions will be the final indicators of the truth in our statement.

Furthermore, goals are NOT our steps to success, but, rather, success is the path to fulfilling our goals. For example, if success is achieving what your soul intends then success does not come from more money, but money will come as a result of your success. Success is a feeling. Success is a state of being in which we feel a sense of joy, fulfillment, and achievement. And you know what? If you are not paying attention to your soul, success will elude you, no matter how many trinkets you amass.

Stop making excuses. If you're saying, “I’ll be dancing lightly when I achieve my goals,” you're missing out. I say dance lightly now and let your goals come to you out of that joy. Step into your delight, happiness, joy and let success find you. Achieving your goals is merely a byproduct.

"Success doesn't have to pull, tug, or chafe if we wear our real size." ~Sarah Breathnach

"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined." ~Rodan of Alexandria

"The vast majority of people have the deeply entrenched conviction that "success" promotes happiness. But it is not success that promotes happiness. When you genuinely enjoy your life, you are successful in the only real meaning of the term!" ~Tom Russell, singer/songwriter

"I have a 'Play The Melody' philosophy. It means don't over-arrange, don't make life difficult. Just play the melody -- and do it the simplest way possible." ~Jackie Gleason

"Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity." ~Paul Goodman, Author and Poet

Bigger Fish To Fry

Last month I was on another adventure, fishing Dog Lake in Northern Ontario. That trip really brought home to me the power of the Law of Attraction.

I have been reading about and practicing the Law of Attraction for several years now. It started with Lynn Grabhorn’s book, Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting.

Recently I took a teleclass with Michael Losier, a Law of Attraction coach and author.

Here's Michael Losier’s formula for deliberate attraction.
1. Identify your desire
2. Raise your mood, feeling and vibration
3. Allow it to come to you (remove doubt)
Michael says “The speed at which the Law of Attraction manifests your desires is in direct proportion to how much you are allowing. And allowing is the absence of doubt.”

One way that helps me allow is to notice and honor the evidence. There is evidence all around us that what we are desiring and feeling good about is on its way to us.

The size of our desire and the enthusiasm we feel for it is in direct proportion to what we get back or attract into our life. Feel bad, neutral or lethargic about anything you are engaged in and you'll get back no rewards (if you are lucky) or maybe even problems. You may even get hurt. Feel good about playing small and you'll get back small rewards. Feel great about playing big and you'll get big rewards.

On my fishing trip last month, I discovered the cabin of my desires (as Michael calls it), my dreams, my meditations, my prayers. Call it whatever you like, it does not matter. You see, daily I had been raising my vibration and feeling great about spending three or four months at my fishing camp in Northern Ontario. FYI: I don't own a fishing camp in Northern Ontario---Yet! Never mind, that's just a detail. I've actually been able to picture some of the features of this camp. In September, when I pulled the boat up to the dock of the cabin I rented, I got a strong sense of deja vu. Not one feature that I had been able to see in my dream was missing!

Now I could focus on the problems of all this. I could focus on what's missing. This camp is not mine. It isn't even for sale. Is that a problem? No, not really. I'm merely focusing on the evidence that my dream is heading my way.

With my new clarity, there are a ton of possibilities:
1. This cabin will come up for sale at the exact time I am ready.
2. An identical cabin, one that is for sale, will present itself.
3. I’ll discover the property that is identical to the island this cabin sits on and I’ll build a cabin just like it.
4. I’ll just start renting this cabin for the entire summer.

Who knows what else? There is a multitude of other possibilities that I can't even think of yet. Some of them probably bigger than my little list here. So it's not my job to figure them out. My only job is to stay open and allow.

Notice I've mentioned nothing about affording this camp even if it was for sale. Money is a goal and goals are hard work. It's not money that will make us feel good. It is what we can do with the money that excites us. Excitement is where we need to stay. So just like finding the cabin, money is a detail. We've all got bigger fish to fry!

"The chore of the superior man is to swallow as much of life as he can hold. That way you are the best food for the one whose job it is to eat you." ~Eduardo Calderon from Jeff Salz's The Way of Adventure.

"The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak results, Just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat." ~Napolean Hill

"Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire." ~Orison Swett Marden

“Man can learn a lot from fishing – when the fish are biting, no problem in the world is big enough to be remembered.”  ~Oa Battista

"Some go to church and think about fishing, others go fishing and think about God." ~Tony Blake

"Fishing isn't a matter of life and death. It's much more important." ~Unknown

Your Big Yellow Bus

It's September. The bugs are gone, the tourists are gone, and so am I! I'm ending this month in one of my favorite places, fishing in Northern Ontario. Tales of the ones that got away and those that didn't next month.

The big yellow school bus is coming down my road again. The neighborhood kids seem happy. The dogs are not. The kids are no longer around during the day and Jersey is going to drop a little weight without all the treats they have been bringing her this summer. I must admit that when I see the bus, I feel sorry for those poor suckers. And I express my gratitude that I'm no longer going back to school this time of year.

But I am noticing that September stirs in me the urge to learn and do something new. How long do we have to be out of school before we lose the September urge? How long does it take, how many generations must pass, before we lose our agrarian urge to harvest in the fall?

As soon as the days get noticeably shorter, as soon as the nights are a little crisper, and as soon as the big yellow school bus starts appearing in the morning I get energized to learn. I could tell it was starting last week when I bought a new hiking skirt and a batch of socks. They are soft, fluffy chenille socks. They're perfect for fall weather and sticking my feet into them makes me feel oh so very good. The urge to write is stronger too. I've got more newsletter ideas than I can hold in my little brain so I picked up a batch of 25 yellow legal pads and more pencil lead just for the occasion. And read. Yesterday I went to Amazon.com and ordered ALL the books I've had on my wish list for some time. And I've bought some new PDF software that I'm now learning as I play with some new coaching offerings. You'd think I was getting ready for school myself. New clothes, new software to learn, new books to read and a writing frenzy. Yup, as much as I think I've graduated, the back-to-school syndrome seems to be ingrained in me. I know it's not just me. My coaching practice always picks up this time of year with new clients wanting to make big changes. I think we're all ready to learn a little something new about ourselves.

So as 2003 begins to wane, take on some new environments, meet new people, and learn something new while wearing something new.

Between now and winter break, your assignment is to surrender control rather than seize it. Learning is never about taking control, but about letting go and trusting. Since the big yellow bus was a place where we could all go internal, especially on the morning ride when we were not quite awake, put yourself on that bus now. You're in 3rd or 4th grade and on your way to school. You didn't ride the bus to school? That's okay. You can play too. If Mom or Dad drove you, put yourself in the family car. If you walked, imagine yourself on the path. Ask yourself these questions:

• What is the one thing I've been dreaming about since those bus rides of my childhood; the thing I've always wanted to do but have not done yet? Don't know what that is? Ask a close friend or family member. Ask the person who sat next to you on the bus. They'll be all too willing to tell you what you've been saying for years you've wanted to do.
• What's the one thing I loved doing as a child—the thing I wish I were doing instead of riding this bus—that I have stopped doing as an adult?

If these take some learning, then get the book or sign up for the class. If they mean buying some supplies, new clothes or gear, get them. Now get on your own Big Yellow Bus and take the ride!

“Dreams are the touchstones of our character” ~Henry David Thoreau

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain