I'm sitting in my tent-cottage at Maho Bay Camps in St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands. Another beautiful sunny day is unfolding. The temperature is about 80 degrees. The turquoise bay, lush green hills, and the tree-frog serenade going on outside my tent fill me with pure peace. This week of retreat, I got to share what I know. That success is a feeling, not to be found by goal-chasing.
In our striving to succeed, we set goals. Common goals like earn more money, build a bigger business, lose some weight, remodel or build that home, buy that boat or car, get more time off. I call these goals “common” because we boil our definition of success down to the same goals everyone else has. We see someone we consider successful and then, rather than looking at how they are experiencing their life, we try to replicate the things they have by setting our own goals. For instance, we say, “If I had a home like that, I too would be successful.” But look at anyone you consider successful. No matter how much or little they possess, if they are happy, joyful, and playful, then I'm betting they have established a goal-free zone around their success.
We have three primary ways of communicating; through our language, through our bodies, and through our emotions. We've been taught over time that language rules. So when asked what success means to us, we tend to respond through language. And, the easiest way to do that is to list our goals. We talk about making moves in our careers, building our businesses, finding the right relationships, moving to the place we want to live, and the ultimate indicator of success, making more money. In fact, most of us correlate success with the goal of lots of money. But the old saying, “Money doesn't buy happiness,” still holds true. And that's true for any of the other goals I've listed here.
It's happiness, joy, delight, relief, playfulness and pure bliss, to name a few, which are true trademarks of success. We can language that we are experiencing these feelings but our bodies and our emotions will be the final indicators of the truth in our statement.
Furthermore, goals are NOT our steps to success, but, rather, success is the path to fulfilling our goals. For example, if success is achieving what your soul intends then success does not come from more money, but money will come as a result of your success. Success is a feeling. Success is a state of being in which we feel a sense of joy, fulfillment, and achievement. And you know what? If you are not paying attention to your soul, success will elude you, no matter how many trinkets you amass.
Stop making excuses. If you're saying, “I’ll be dancing lightly when I achieve my goals,” you're missing out. I say dance lightly now and let your goals come to you out of that joy. Step into your delight, happiness, joy and let success find you. Achieving your goals is merely a byproduct.
"Success doesn't have to pull, tug, or chafe if we wear our real size." ~Sarah Breathnach
"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined." ~Rodan of Alexandria
"The vast majority of people have the deeply entrenched conviction that "success" promotes happiness. But it is not success that promotes happiness. When you genuinely enjoy your life, you are successful in the only real meaning of the term!" ~Tom Russell, singer/songwriter
"I have a 'Play The Melody' philosophy. It means don't over-arrange, don't make life difficult. Just play the melody -- and do it the simplest way possible." ~Jackie Gleason
"Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity." ~Paul Goodman, Author and Poet
Last month I was on another adventure, fishing Dog Lake in Northern Ontario. That trip really brought home to me the power of the Law of Attraction.
I have been reading about and practicing the Law of Attraction for several years now. It started with Lynn Grabhorn’s book, Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting.
Recently I took a teleclass with Michael Losier, a Law of Attraction coach and author.
Here's Michael Losier’s formula for deliberate attraction.
1. Identify your desire
2. Raise your mood, feeling and vibration
3. Allow it to come to you (remove doubt)
Michael says “The speed at which the Law of Attraction manifests your desires is in direct proportion to how much you are allowing. And allowing is the absence of doubt.”
One way that helps me allow is to notice and honor the evidence. There is evidence all around us that what we are desiring and feeling good about is on its way to us.
The size of our desire and the enthusiasm we feel for it is in direct proportion to what we get back or attract into our life. Feel bad, neutral or lethargic about anything you are engaged in and you'll get back no rewards (if you are lucky) or maybe even problems. You may even get hurt. Feel good about playing small and you'll get back small rewards. Feel great about playing big and you'll get big rewards.
On my fishing trip last month, I discovered the cabin of my desires (as Michael calls it), my dreams, my meditations, my prayers. Call it whatever you like, it does not matter. You see, daily I had been raising my vibration and feeling great about spending three or four months at my fishing camp in Northern Ontario. FYI: I don't own a fishing camp in Northern Ontario---Yet! Never mind, that's just a detail. I've actually been able to picture some of the features of this camp. In September, when I pulled the boat up to the dock of the cabin I rented, I got a strong sense of deja vu. Not one feature that I had been able to see in my dream was missing!
Now I could focus on the problems of all this. I could focus on what's missing. This camp is not mine. It isn't even for sale. Is that a problem? No, not really. I'm merely focusing on the evidence that my dream is heading my way.
With my new clarity, there are a ton of possibilities:
1. This cabin will come up for sale at the exact time I am ready.
2. An identical cabin, one that is for sale, will present itself.
3. I’ll discover the property that is identical to the island this cabin sits on and I’ll build a cabin just like it.
4. I’ll just start renting this cabin for the entire summer.
Who knows what else? There is a multitude of other possibilities that I can't even think of yet. Some of them probably bigger than my little list here. So it's not my job to figure them out. My only job is to stay open and allow.
Notice I've mentioned nothing about affording this camp even if it was for sale. Money is a goal and goals are hard work. It's not money that will make us feel good. It is what we can do with the money that excites us. Excitement is where we need to stay. So just like finding the cabin, money is a detail. We've all got bigger fish to fry!
"The chore of the superior man is to swallow as much of life as he can hold. That way you are the best food for the one whose job it is to eat you." ~Eduardo Calderon from Jeff Salz's The Way of Adventure.
"The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak results, Just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat." ~Napolean Hill
"Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire." ~Orison Swett Marden
“Man can learn a lot from fishing – when the fish are biting, no problem in the world is big enough to be remembered.” ~Oa Battista
"Some go to church and think about fishing, others go fishing and think about God." ~Tony Blake
"Fishing isn't a matter of life and death. It's much more important." ~Unknown
It's September. The bugs are gone, the tourists are gone, and so am I! I'm ending this month in one of my favorite places, fishing in Northern Ontario. Tales of the ones that got away and those that didn't next month.
The big yellow school bus is coming down my road again. The neighborhood kids seem happy. The dogs are not. The kids are no longer around during the day and Jersey is going to drop a little weight without all the treats they have been bringing her this summer. I must admit that when I see the bus, I feel sorry for those poor suckers. And I express my gratitude that I'm no longer going back to school this time of year.
But I am noticing that September stirs in me the urge to learn and do something new. How long do we have to be out of school before we lose the September urge? How long does it take, how many generations must pass, before we lose our agrarian urge to harvest in the fall?
As soon as the days get noticeably shorter, as soon as the nights are a little crisper, and as soon as the big yellow school bus starts appearing in the morning I get energized to learn. I could tell it was starting last week when I bought a new hiking skirt and a batch of socks. They are soft, fluffy chenille socks. They're perfect for fall weather and sticking my feet into them makes me feel oh so very good. The urge to write is stronger too. I've got more newsletter ideas than I can hold in my little brain so I picked up a batch of 25 yellow legal pads and more pencil lead just for the occasion. And read. Yesterday I went to Amazon.com and ordered ALL the books I've had on my wish list for some time. And I've bought some new PDF software that I'm now learning as I play with some new coaching offerings. You'd think I was getting ready for school myself. New clothes, new software to learn, new books to read and a writing frenzy. Yup, as much as I think I've graduated, the back-to-school syndrome seems to be ingrained in me. I know it's not just me. My coaching practice always picks up this time of year with new clients wanting to make big changes. I think we're all ready to learn a little something new about ourselves.
So as 2003 begins to wane, take on some new environments, meet new people, and learn something new while wearing something new.
Between now and winter break, your assignment is to surrender control rather than seize it. Learning is never about taking control, but about letting go and trusting. Since the big yellow bus was a place where we could all go internal, especially on the morning ride when we were not quite awake, put yourself on that bus now. You're in 3rd or 4th grade and on your way to school. You didn't ride the bus to school? That's okay. You can play too. If Mom or Dad drove you, put yourself in the family car. If you walked, imagine yourself on the path. Ask yourself these questions:
- What is the one thing I've been dreaming about since those bus rides of my childhood; the thing I've always wanted to do but have not done yet? Don't know what that is? Ask a close friend or family member. Ask the person who sat next to you on the bus. They'll be all too willing to tell you what you've been saying for years you've wanted to do.
- What's the one thing I loved doing as a child—the thing I wish I were doing instead of riding this bus—that I have stopped doing as an adult?
If these take some learning, then get the book or sign up for the class. If they mean buying some supplies, new clothes or gear, get them. Now get on your own Big Yellow Bus and take the ride!
“Dreams are the touchstones of our character” ~Henry David Thoreau
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain
I've been decluttering in July.
You see, August and September are my favorite fishing months and I've got a few fishing trips to Canada coming up. So while most of you were at the beach, on vacation, camping, boating, and generally taking summer head on, July was my month to make changes in preparation for play. This year I decluttered myself and the house.
I took a 5-day detoxification teleclass from Coach Mary Kay DuChene. I've been doing detoxification eating for years but Mary Kay took my habits to a whole new level and I'm definitely feeling the difference.
Next, I grabbed Karen Kingston's book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui and I tackled the house. Last time I read Karen's book, it was February, 2001. It was time to read it again! I'm happy to report that after the month of July, I'm living lighter than ever!
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” ~Allen
I just returned from the first of what I'm sure will be many Adventure Coach Outings on South Manitou Island in Lake Michigan. This one was designed to help coaches make nature, the outdoors and adventure a part of their practice and offerings.
Thank you, Randy, Robyn, Joelle, Kelly, Karen and Mary Kay!
Besides entertaining me with some outrageous antics and humor, these coaches from Colorado, Minnesota and Ontario helped me expand my definition of adventure. I'm so much clearer about what I want adventure to be for me.
Risk: To embark on a true adventure, I must experience some dare and the courage to push beyond adversity and boundaries. This is not to say that my adventures must be life and limb threatening. While I enjoy a little adrenaline now and then, I don't have to chase tornadoes or triumph over nature in some way. The risk can come from stretching myself a little more by dropping an old belief I have held and trying something new.
Expansion: Through exploration and discovery my knowledge and experience expands. I learn something new or get clearer about my environment, others, and myself.
Wandering: In my adventures there is some unknown, some mystery. I feel adventurous when I wander just enough that I don't know how something will work out, who I may meet, how I might get from point A to point B, or maybe even when the adventure will end. Even better if something is left at the end of my adventure that remains unsolved.
Internal: My adventures are as much internal as they are external. Even when adventuring with others, part of what is happening within me is very solitary, very personal and internal. And if I've done the internal part right, it continues long after the physical adventure has ended.
Earned: I want an adventure that gives me the feeling of having “earned” something. Of having paid my dues in some way. And my reward is that at the end of the adventure, the simple things in my life now feel exquisite.
"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. The soul that knows it not knows no release from little things; knows not the livid loneliness of fear nor mountain heights where bitter joys can hear the sounds of wings." ~Amelia Earhart
