Tuesday, August 22, 2000

Wants and Needs

Most of us have a desire to do better in our relationships, personal health, finances, etc. Yet we can't seem to get past the “want.” Sometimes it takes a few questions to get to what coaches call the “need.”

Let's say you want to build financial reserves in your life yet you can't seem to get motivated enough to make saving a habit. There is more truth in that part of you that is unwilling to take the action to start saving than in that part of you that says saving is a priority. If you start asking yourself why saving is a priority, you might say because you want to feel safe. Another why and you might discover that you are feeling unsafe because your job is unrewarding. The third why might lead to the answer that work is unrewarding because your manager doesn't acknowledge how much you produce. Then the need is acknowledgment from those you work with. Ask for it. The process is not always this simple, but it always works.

When your head expresses a “want” that you are unwilling to follow, there is truth in the unwillingness. You know there's something else here to look at.” Delve deeper and ask why. All our wants can be effortless. If they are not, just take care of some needs first.

Now, if you want to get to the need faster, move your body. I'm not asking you to exercise or take up a sport. Just go for a walk, ride a bike, swim or dance around the house. In the process of asking yourself “why,” you'll get to the heart of the matter much faster if your body is allowed to move.

“There is no reality except the one contained within us. That is why so many people live such an unreal life. They take images outside them for reality and never allow the world within to assert itself.” ~Herman Hesse

“If you don't ask why this? often enough, somebody will ask why you?” ~Tom Hirshfield

“All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.” ~James Grover Thurber
“It always comes back to the same necessity: go deep enough and there is a bedrock of truth, however hard.” ~May Sarton

“Look and you will find it—what is unsought will go undetected.” ~Sophocles

“I learn by going where I have to go.” ~Theodore Roethke

Start with something simple that you have been saying you wanted to achieve for some time. Introduce movement of some sort and start asking “why?”

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