I'm fresh back from our Life Transitions retreat in the Virgin Islands. What a wonderful group of adventurous individuals we had this year. My co-host, Patt Osborne, and I would like to thank all who attended. This one was the best ever.
So, as you can imagine, I still had transitions in mind when I sat down to write and so I thought I’d share some of the things we learned at the 2006 Rest of Your Life Retreat.
So in celebration of my 10th year of Transition Coaching...
"It's never too late to become what you might have been." ~George Eliot
Transitions can be as soft as a whisper or as loud as an earthquake.
Sometimes a transition starts as an internal shift, as in a new way of looking at things. Sometimes, a transition is brought on by external forces like a job transfer or loss of someone near to you.
Every transition is accompanied by a shift in the way we identify ourselves. If we plan the transition, the identity shift is often a prelude to the actual, physical changes in our life. If the transition is driven by outside forces, our identity is often forced to catch up. Either way, a big part of every transition is reconciling our old beliefs with our new identity
Using our intuition is critical to a smooth transition. We can transition more deeply and more profoundly by paying very close attention to our intuitive insights, that inner voice of our authentic desires.
When we allow our desires, and allow ourselves to become one who already has whatever it is we're wanting, we bring more of our authentic selves to the transition. These desires provide direction and clues to our path, a path where what we want includes who we are.
In that moment when we allow our desires to come from our authenticity, our transition ceases to come from us, but rather through us. We must then, be receptive to something greater.
Often, in the process of “acting on” our transition, the creative option of “allowing” ourselves to be receptive to that greater force is missed.
We merely must wait and be attentive to its arrival of that which we desire.
It is far more beautiful, graceful and gratifying to become attractive and receive than to chase things.
Slow down, tune in, and heed the inner call. As you transition, be ready, willing, and able to accept your new identity.
"Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis." ~Martha Beck
There's a fly in my house. It has been here for two days. It's smaller and looks different than the house flies I've seen all winter. And it's bigger than a fruit fly, so I know it didn't come from the bananas in the kitchen. I'm excited. It's the first sign of spring! This fly may be a misfit, but I'm pretty attracted to the misfits of this world and thrilled to have it in my life.
So it was a short leap from this misfit, the fly, to this month's newsletter. Hey, no excuses for the strange wanderings of my mind. That's the point.
The Top Ten Ways to Enjoy Being a Misfit:
- What causes you to be labeled a misfit is the very thing that makes you an individualist. Explore it!
- Your “misfit-ness” is often your strength. Hone it!
- If being a misfit looks like fun, others will follow you. Flaunt it!
- Every circumstance in which you find yourself unsuitable is an opportunity to learn something new. Uncover it!
- When you stand out, you have a better chance of being heard. Say it!
- People will talk about you. Use it!
- Expanding on that which makes you different will elevate you to one of a kind. Enjoy it!
- Misfits often look at things from slightly different angles. Notice it!
- Misfits tend to question accepted views and to consider contradictory ones. Challenge it!
- Just like the fly in my house, if you're the only one out there, the lanes are wide open! Floor it!
First, ask yourself “Am I a misfit in any way?” And if so, don't concern yourself with hiding or compensating for it. But instead, ask yourself, “How can I expand that to other areas of my life?” Because today's misfit is tomorrow's maverick.
“Man is physically as well as metaphysically a thing of shreds and patches, borrowed unequally from good and bad ancestors, and a misfit from the start” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Besides being an absolute blast, fishing has taught me a few things about repositioning myself to get out of old habits in order to experience new things. Some fishing days you're right on. You've got the right lure, with the right color. You've found the perfect spot and you're retrieving the lure or trolling at the ideal speed. The day is good. The weather conditions are outstanding (which in the world of fishing could mean high winds and rain). The fish are really biting and you can do nothing wrong.
The next day you repeat the same activities, lures, timing and location and nothing will bite. You're still feeling the adrenaline from the outstanding day before and so the temptation is to continue to repeat the patterns that worked so well just a day ago. You've just developed a bad habit…sticking with something that rewarded you once but is no longer working. You've got to change if you want to have more fun. You have to experiment with color, patterns and location and let the fish tell you what they want. Yes, you've got to be able to trust your equipment. But more importantly, you've got to trust your instincts.
If our position is familiar and comfortable, one we know well, and standing in that position has rewarded us in the past, it can be a very stale place if it's no longer working for us.
Hey, what's not working for you these days? Are you not seeing it clearly? Try repositioning yourself. First look at it straight on and then look at it from all angles. Try some new tools or equipment. Change your schedule. Get messy and use your intuition. Try a new pattern. What's the worse that can happen? New insight and perspective is always a good thing.
"When you are reluctant to face something, you are not positioned to see it clearly." ~Pam McConnell
As I was pondering my thoughts for this New Year in anticipation of writing in January, I found myself reflecting instead on the past. Allowing myself to follow the urge, I reviewed some of my writings over the past six years. And there I found a lot that is still true for me today. Yes, I know I wander. And I know I've admitted to you that my truth is my truth for the moment. I've warned you that I will contradict myself. So I was surprised to see how much is still true for me today.
So instead of a 2006 New Year article, I've gone back and summarized twelve things that are still true for me today. I'm going to take one each month of 2006 and focus on it as my personal theme for the month. Here the are. Enjoy!
In January I'm Surrendering:
Surrender control rather than seize it. Let go and trust. A life full of preparation for situations that are yet only imagined is not much of a life at all.
In February I Will Step Into the Unknown:
One of the most powerful things we can do is step fully, freely and without hesitation into the unknown. To become comfortable with the unknown is to experience freedom. To make the leap without all the answers, to step into the darkness without expectation of what is to come, to embrace the unknown as not just a place to begin but a place in which we wallow, rest and soak up our inner essence is incredibly powerful. The unknown is where your imagination can take hold. And it's imagination that transcends time and place.
In March I Will Focus on Having Enough:
When enough truly is enough, what we desire moves in and out of our life naturally. There is enough for us; there is enough for everyone. We have the ability and freedom to nurture others and ourselves. When we appreciate the enough-ness in our lives, our enough-ness appreciates.
In April I’ll be a Child in Nature:
In nature, I more easily find time to connect with myself. It was only after I grew up and met so many other adults who did not “take to the wilds” that I realized that extracting oneself from nature tends to leave a person a little off. Wilderness for me is an instant transfusion. Nature is authentic. It is exactly what it seems to be. Be a grownup if you must. But be a grownup who knows the secrets children know. Go to the wilds.
In May I’ll Remember to be Without Goals:
Stop making excuses. If you're saying, “I’ll be dancing lightly when I achieve my goals,” you're missing out. I say dance lightly now and let your goals come to you out of that joy. Step into your delight, happiness, joy and let success find you. Life is a process, not a product. No stop along the way or altered path is a mistake. Turn your back on the product, the outcome, the goal, and pay attention to enjoying the process, the hunt. Then the elusive will present itself. It always does. It has no choice.
In June, I’ll Step Into the Flow:
Flow is not always the shortest path. When the creek encounters resistance, like a rock, a downed tree or the dam the beavers are building just down stream from me, it does not go through that block. The creek is not concerned with keeping the path short. It goes around, over or underneath the resistance as a way to stay in flow. Yes, over time, it wears down the resistance, but that's not its primary concern. So like the creek, when we take the path of least resistance, we too flow. Is your vision something you mentally design and, if done right, leads to flow? Perhaps. But it might take more than a few tries to get it right. I like to believe that vision is something that comes to you when you are in flow. My suggestion—go stand in a creek.
In July I’ll Hone My Skills at Becoming Lost:
The price we pay for the freedom of being lost is to be vulnerable. The gift we receive from the freedom of being lost is new, unexpected and random things like unforeseen circumstances, interesting people and odd surroundings. It stimulates us. If we pay the price of vulnerability, we can let go of being threatened simply because we are lost. We learn to not waste our energy panicking about the direction we should take.
In August I’ll Take On Opportunities Rather than Musing About Possibilities:
Yes, we can remain on the riverbank and discuss and wonder at the possibilities. But the river is going somewhere. There are trees, streams, rocks and trails on the other side waiting to be explored. There are fish to be caught! There are people along the river who have stories to tell about their own opportunities taken. Find the opportunity in the possibility and take it.
In September I’ll Relish Being Much Less Than Perfect:
When we let go of perfection, allow ourselves to do things imperfectly, we come to see how perfect we are, just the way we are. It's a subtle difference but it's true. Our lives can be more perfect when we let go of perfection.
In October I’ll Explore New Rhythms:
Our own rhythmic actions have a common thread with the Universe. It would serve us well to note that our accomplishments are not solely a result of our skills and knowledge. Our accomplishments also come from our choice of rhythm. Our rhythm or cadence comes from our use of time, space and motion. As we learn our own rhythm, changing it in a heartbeat when we feel the urge, we learn to listen and know. We listen and know others. We listen and know nature. We listen and know ourselves. And the songs we sing out into the world, each with their own unique rhythm, will continue long after we're gone.
In November I’ll be Freely Vulnerable:
What is so frightening and at the same time so wonderful about a new beginning? What excites me is the freedom inherent in every new beginning. What scares me is that I am vulnerable. Yet I can't separate the two. If I'm to be free, I'm to be vulnerable. I become energized by the possibility of freedom that a new beginning brings. When I seek to lessen my vulnerability by trying to cover all the contingencies, I actually diminish my freedom and the new beginning becomes too small for me. Our lives and work must envelop freedom or they come down to nothing more than a means of providing.
In December I’ll Ride Into 2007 on My Intuition:
Trust your intuition and your dreams. Be open to possibility. See the unlikely. Think the unthinkable. Imagine the improbable. Life's biggest opportunities are often hidden to all but our intuition.
"There are many spokes on the wheel of life. First, we're here to explore new possibilities." ~Ray Charles
Snow, melt, snow, melt, snow, melt, snow, snow, snow. This seems to be the cadence and rhythm in Northern Michigan. Right now, it’s snowing, and snowing….18 inches in 24 hours this past weekend. On Thanksgiving I thought the driveway shoveling had begun for the season. Then it all melted and I was left wondering why I’d worked so hard. My blisters healed. And then it happened again.
This rhythm and cadence is everywhere in nature. The creek too is in rhythm. As the snow melts, it rises and rushes. Now that the cold is back, its life is much more subdued. The sun that was so high in the sky a few short months ago now never rises above the treetops in my yard. There are hard rocks now buried in the soft snow in the field near my home. Birds, bright during the summer months have dulled to earth tones. Light summer breezes have made way for howling winter winds. Lapping waves will soon be frozen solid and silent. The delicate calls of birds looking for a mate have turned into more anxious announcements that food has been found.
Our own rhythmic actions have a common thread with the Universe. It would serve us well to note that our accomplishments are not solely a result of our skills and knowledge. Our accomplishments also come from our choice of rhythm. Our rhythm or cadence comes from our use of time, space and motion. It’s that wonderful nap before we leap into action. It’s the slow breaths we take in meditation that leads us into the unknown. It’s that long held pose in yoga that guides us to a new understanding of our body and mind. It’s the quiet humming before we break into song. The way we use time, space and energy in these moments makes our journeys interesting. As we learn our own rhythm, changing it in a heartbeat when we feel the urge, we learn to listen and know. We listen and know others. We listen and know nature. We listen and know ourselves. And the songs we sing out into the world, each with their own unique rhythm, will continue long after we’re gone.
"An artist must possess Nature. He must identify himself with her rhythm, by efforts that will prepare the mastery which will later enable him to express himself in his own language." ~Henri Matisse
"Everything has rhythm. Everything dances." ~Maya Angelou
